I’ve called this page “my story” but I have not been telling you most of the story. I really haven’t updated this page that much. Here’s how things are going.
Day on the Lake 2018 was this past weekend. It’s called Day on the Lake which is a little confusing for people because the event is six days each summer, three at the beginning & three at the end. This past Thursday-Saturday was the first event of the year. Aimee and I had a tripped planned so I was only able to go out on Thursday.
I tried to get up on a wakeboard using a barefoot boom and a short rope. I posted the videos below. I managed to ride a bit in a tight little squat but I wasn’t able to stand up on the board which was my goal. I felt pretty defeated driving home on Thursday.
Last September I was able to get up and ride. I’ve been making good progress in the gym. I know I’m stronger now than I was 8 months ago. Based on all that, I had expected to at least match what I’d already done. Last September I needed gloves to keep my grip on the bar. Thursday I didn’t bring gloves because I figured all my gains would have fixed my grip. I over estimated. I still couldn’t hold on for very long.
Every move I make is a conscious effort. I have to focus on every step to walk. I have to focus on holding my balance while standing still. My mobility is a constant mental exercise. When I have to really concentrate on something specific the rest of my mobility suffers.
I got in the water Thursday, grabbed the bar, felt the gnarling & knew I’d screwed up. The boat started moving my grip started failing. We tried wrapping a t-shirt around the bar but it was no use. I couldn’t hold on and my body fatigued so fast. The handle on the short rope was much easier to hold onto. I was just exhausted by the time I started trying to use it.
Last September it took me 2 days of trying to finally get up and ride. The first day was learning and failing and trying again. Then on the second day my mind and body were just ready to go! I think if I’d have been able to go back out this past weekend I’d have been able to get up.
I called Aimee on the way home to tell her how it went. I was a mixed bag of mostly bad feelings. There are lots of things I cannot do but everything I can do is a gift. I know how far I’ve come, so I always try to temper my sadness with gratitude. It had not crossed my mind that I would fail to match my last time out at the lake. I was not ready mentally when I did.
The past few years I have gone out to DotL feeling very depressed. Then the thrill of being on the water would fix my head for months. This summer was the same. I’ve been feeling down. I was counting on the adventure & adrenalin to fix my head for the rest of the summer. Instead, I was driving home beating myself up & feeling worse.
My wife is the best. We talked it out while I drove home. I told her how I hate my body, feel no affinity with it and press on in spite of it. I don’t know what I am, but I know I am not my body. She told me that’s probably part of my constant sadness. If I’m going to be happy, I need to love and cherish my body. I told her I don't how to do that. She didn’t know either. When our talk ended I felt better. I know one day doesn’t define me.
I was back in the gym yesterday. I told Uzor, my trainer, how it went. He was bummed for me. To make it up to me ha added a bunch of new grip exercises. I’ll get another chance at it in September. In the meantime I’m working on my grip and figuring out how to love my body. I’m planning to blog on this all Summer so I’ll let you know if I figure it out.